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10 Critical Things Trans Youth (and Their Counselors and Caregivers) Should Know in High School and When Applying to College

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Listen to the podcast episode here that inspired this article

In my work as a school counselor over the last almost two decades, I’ve worked with all kinds of students with all kinds of challenges. I felt like I could totally handle whatever they could throw at me. 

But when students started coming out to me as transgender, I didn’t have anything in my toolbox to help. 

So I got resourceful and started learning. Quickly. I realized that the support of parents/caregivers ranged dramatically: While some students had a loving and supportive home, many did not, and as a mandatory reporter, I had to make those difficult calls to Child Protective Services. (If you don’t know what a mandated reporter is, check out this brief explanation.)

When my team and I started digging deeper into what these students needed at school, we realized that they needed a safe place to exist and learn. I believed we could make that happen. We asked students what they needed, and we listened. 

And then we got to work. 

My team and I quickly started making a list of all the ways we could create safe spaces for them at school, and I know that we saved lives. I created this resource list for students, school counselors, and staff to make sure everyone had access to the information they needed to be safe and learn at school. We’re all in this together (#TeamStudent). Often, the biggest barrier is lack of information. Here’s what we did.

 
 

10 crucial things for trans students and parents/caregivers

#1: Know Your Rights

Many students don’t even know their basic rights at school, which is a great starting point. Like the ability to be called by the name and pronouns that match their gender identity. Federal and state laws and the U.S. Constitution prohibit discrimination, bullying, and harassment against students because they're transgender. This includes Title IX, the federal law that bans sex discrimination in schools. Learn more about students’ rights at school here.

What if your school isn’t playing nice? What can you as a student/caregiver do? 

Counselors, here’s a Model School District Policy on Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Students.

#2: Understand Student Information Systems at Your School

Students and caregivers, here’s a big one! The ONLY legal document that has to match a student’s legal name is the transcript. Regardless of what the school staff tell you, things like your student ID, your diploma, awards ceremonies, graduation programs, etc. are NOT legal documents so you should be able to use your preferred name. 

Think about it this way—you could have the identical legal name as another student, so the unique identifier is your student ID number. Not your name. Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself! And counselors, this is a great time to educate your staff.

#3: Ensure Safety in Gendered Spaces on Campus

One of the easier ways to show your support as counselor for these students is to ensure that students are able to use the restrooms and locker rooms that they are most comfortable in. 

Put yourself in their shoes—if you’re in school for 7 or 8 hours a day, inevitably you’re going to need to use the restroom. I have known far too many trans students who simply chose to forgo using school restrooms unless it was an absolute emergency, which is not physically healthy or comfortable—and resulted in those students struggling to stay focused in class. 

Counselors: 

You should be advocating for your students with the administration of your school to ensure that these students will not be penalized or reprimanded for using the restroom of their choosing. Some schools will even add single-stall gender neutral restrooms for students who don’t feel comfortable in the men’s or the women’s rooms—it’s as simple as starting the conversation.

Students:

If you’re unsure whether your school will be willing to create gender-neutral restrooms or allow you to use the restroom you’re most comfortable in, start by talking to your counselor. They can help you advocate for yourself (and they should be advocating for you as well!) with your higher administration, or help you file a complaint with the Department of Education if your school’s administration is unwilling to meet your needs.

#4: Create Safe Spaces

Another great way to ensure your students feel comfortable at school is to create safe spaces and a sense of support for them. Things like: 

  • Pride/Alliance/GSA student groups

  • Safe Space stickers on your office/classroom doors

  • Even a physical safe space like a ‘panic room’ where students can go when they’re in crisis mode without being penalized for being outside of class. 

For many of these students, their homes are not safe spaces—so they need to know that they have somewhere to go when they need to vent, or cry, or get support services. You can make school a safe place for these students, and if you do, you may be surprised at just how much of a difference it makes. 

For students:

  • Find out which classroom spaces, teachers/staff, and student groups are safe and comfortable for you at your school, and then take advantage of those spaces. 

There are virtually always allies around you, even if you don’t see them at first. And if your school doesn’t already have a student group dedicated to LGBTQ+ students, this is the perfect time to create one!

5: Offer/Improve Trans-Specific Counseling Services

For students in crisis, or struggling with their gender identity at home, counselors should also be equipped to have those difficult conversations about bullying, coming out, and transitioning. 

Trans students are far more likely to attempt suicide than their cisgender counterparts, and also far more likely to have a friend attempt suicide—every school should have at least one staff member specifically trained in how to support students through this (but the more, the merrier!). This is a great time to invest in trans-specific training for your counseling staff.

When it comes to bullying at school, counselors need to advocate for these students with your school’s administration—a “zero tolerance” policy only works if there really is no tolerance! 

Students: take advantage of the resources that your school offers! 

  • If your school doesn’t offer trans-specific counseling, ask your counselor for referrals to trans-friendly or trans-specific care centers in your area. 

  • And most importantly, if you’re struggling with bullying or harassment at school, talk to your counselors or any other trusted adult in the building. 

  • If you bring it up and nothing changes, keep trying—the squeaky wheel gets the grease! 

#6: Offer/Improve Transition Services

Counselors, you should understand that for this population of students, particularly if they’re struggling deeply with mental health, transitioning is a huge factor in their ability to stay happy and safe. (Check out this study done by the Stanford School of Medicine that shows improved mental health for teens who are able to start their transition before adulthood.)

If you’re in one of those states that has recently banned trans healthcare for minors, your main goal should be to get these students to graduation, so that they can (ideally) move off to college in a safer state. 

  • This is where affordable (or free) counseling and mental health resources are vital. 

  • If you’re a student in one of these states, start searching for states and colleges that are safe alternatives for trans students.

Counselors should also take this time to create (or find) a database of resources your students can use if they’re looking to pursue social, physical, and/or legal transition. (OutYouth, a program for trans youth in Central Texas, has this great resource list that you can use as a reference.) You can walk them through the coming out process, provide support if their families are not on board, and provide resources for beginning the physical transition if their families are accepting of their transition. 

As minors, they’ll need parental permission to start that medical process, and another great way to help them through this is to have your own conversations with the parents. 

(An important aside: when I was in high school and struggling to get my parents on board with the idea of a physical transition, my counselor spoke with my parents privately and helped them understand just how vital this was to my safety and wellbeing. Ultimately, I knew that if I couldn’t begin my transition sooner rather than later, I was at a much higher risk of suicidal ideation, and my parents were eventually able to understand that this kind of care would save my life. And it did.)

#7: Conversation Starters for Teachers, Counselors and Administrators

One of the toughest challenges of working in a school can be from other adults who aren’t as supportive of trans students. When a teacher “deadnames” a student, or refuses to use the correct pronouns, the learning ceases at that moment for that student (and very likely that student’s friends).  

As a student ally, an effective place to start is finding common ground with that teacher (or other adult). Start with asking the following two questions: 

  1. Can we agree that we want students to learn in this classroom? 

  2. Can we agree that we want students to be safe? 

Starting with those two questions gives the teacher (adult) a way to provide a safe learning environment for all students, without having to change their own beliefs.

#8: Researching Colleges

As a prospective LGBTQ+ college student, but particularly for trans students, you’ll want to make sure you’re searching for colleges that will support you in various ways. 

Firstly, do some research on various state laws concerning trans adults. 

You’ll likely be a legal adult by the time you enter college, so laws affecting trans youth will be less applicable to you at that point. Figure out which states are going to be the safest for you, especially if you hope to begin your physical transition while you’re in college. Ultimately, the most supportive school in the world can only do so much if the laws in that state are restrictive about transitioning.

Then, once you have your list of states, start researching schools in those states that are well known for being LGBTQ+ friendly. 

  • The Campus Pride Index website is a great place to start—you can search by state, region, index rating (1 to 5 stars), and/or institution type to start building your list of schools.

  • Once you’ve built your list, get in contact with the LGBTQ+ centers at the schools on your list to get a better sense of the resources and programming they offer and to figure out which schools will not only accept you, but celebrate you.

  • Another piece of advice during this process is to find current students to speak with about how those resources, policies, and programming actually look in the day-to-day experience of the students at each school. (You can often get in contact with current students via the admissions office—just reach out and ask!)

And lastly, another great option when building your list is to search for schools whose student health insurance plans will cover some or all of your transition costs. 

If you’re hoping to start your physical transition while in college and you don’t have family financial support, this can be a life-changer! The Campus Pride Index has a list of over 150 schools in the US who offer this kind of health insurance, separated by state. 

#9: Resources for students

#10: Resources for parents/caregivers

 

Shannon Bergergon is Founder of Core College Consulting, where she specializes in using a whole child college counseling™ approach. She’s been a school counselor for more than 20 years, a volunteer with Matchlighters Scholars program, and she’s also Sam’s mom, an ally, and an advocate for trans students.